So resonant! I want to share this one with so many people I know who struggle with this feeling. For me, I think I’ve possibly held myself back in someways due to a complete paralysis to try/do anything I didn’t feel in my bones I could do (oh, I do things with a learning curve that I don’t know how to do starting out, but if it feels out of reach, I don’t even try — thus to avoid that imposter thing; oh,well). Thanks for the history and analysis, too. I’m curious about how the phrase morphed from phenomenon to syndrome?
Yes, I feel that so much too! So many things I haven't tried, or haven't tried hard enough to do. More to come tomorrow on impostor syndrome, including how our hometown and high school contributed to it (though I love them both passionately). I can't recall if I read how the phrase morphed, will have to check back; it might have been mentioned in that long New Yorker article by Leslie Jamison that I link to.
That way it's the victim's fault. As a female engineer, I was expected to deal with imposter syndrome, rather than the system changing the way it dealt with female engineers.
Thanks to being born in a family of scientific people who didn't believe in limits, I didn't have as much as most women engineers. But less than 5 years ago, I was gaslighted by a co-worker who didn't notice that I'd been called "girl" in a meeting when the presenter noticed my presence. He told me that I'd imagined it. I always felt that I would be judged more harshly for mistakes, get more positive PR from anything that I did well, and thus resented by some coworkers.
We also had a family friend who retired as an engineering professor our senior year in HS. It didn't occur to me that I was unusual until my first class at the University of Illinois.
It's amazing how much difference it makes to see women in those roles. I often think about how girls and young women now have such a different view of the world than we did, seeing so many women in science, politics, etc.
When I was a reporter, I constantly felt like a professional fraud. I used to actually have nightmares about men in suits coming into the newsroom and saying to me, "You don't belong here. Come with us."
When I got back to Wisconsin and I was taking tech/web jobs at a temp agency, I felt confident and the nightmares stopped.
When I was a reporter, my heart wasn't in it. I loved the research and writing, but not the "ask a widow about her dead husband" stuff.
Recently I was putting together some documentation for a job I was applying for. And I stopped and thought, "I've actually done a lot of stuff! And it was good!" So the self-questioning never really goes away.
Yeah, always self-questioning. I feel fine about the writing I do for my work, which is pretty basic. When it comes to my own writing, I'm much more critical and insecure.
I’ve demonstrated imposter syndrome when describing myself as “not really a musician” even though I can learn parts on the bass and accompany Edie or play in a band. But because I don’t read musical notation or write songs, and don’t consider myself to have mastered the instrument, it’s sometimes hard to consider myself a musician. It’s as though if we’re not great at something, we can’t claim any credit for it at all. But there are all different degrees of skill or mastery, so there should be enough space to call yourself something even if you’re not the very BEST at it.
So resonant! I want to share this one with so many people I know who struggle with this feeling. For me, I think I’ve possibly held myself back in someways due to a complete paralysis to try/do anything I didn’t feel in my bones I could do (oh, I do things with a learning curve that I don’t know how to do starting out, but if it feels out of reach, I don’t even try — thus to avoid that imposter thing; oh,well). Thanks for the history and analysis, too. I’m curious about how the phrase morphed from phenomenon to syndrome?
Yes, I feel that so much too! So many things I haven't tried, or haven't tried hard enough to do. More to come tomorrow on impostor syndrome, including how our hometown and high school contributed to it (though I love them both passionately). I can't recall if I read how the phrase morphed, will have to check back; it might have been mentioned in that long New Yorker article by Leslie Jamison that I link to.
That way it's the victim's fault. As a female engineer, I was expected to deal with imposter syndrome, rather than the system changing the way it dealt with female engineers.
Yes, it's particularly tough in fields like engineering! Did you have the feeling of being an impostor at your jobs, Kay?
Thanks to being born in a family of scientific people who didn't believe in limits, I didn't have as much as most women engineers. But less than 5 years ago, I was gaslighted by a co-worker who didn't notice that I'd been called "girl" in a meeting when the presenter noticed my presence. He told me that I'd imagined it. I always felt that I would be judged more harshly for mistakes, get more positive PR from anything that I did well, and thus resented by some coworkers.
Wow, that is crazy! But that's great about your family. That makes such a difference.
We also had a family friend who retired as an engineering professor our senior year in HS. It didn't occur to me that I was unusual until my first class at the University of Illinois.
It's amazing how much difference it makes to see women in those roles. I often think about how girls and young women now have such a different view of the world than we did, seeing so many women in science, politics, etc.
When I was a reporter, I constantly felt like a professional fraud. I used to actually have nightmares about men in suits coming into the newsroom and saying to me, "You don't belong here. Come with us."
When I got back to Wisconsin and I was taking tech/web jobs at a temp agency, I felt confident and the nightmares stopped.
When I was a reporter, my heart wasn't in it. I loved the research and writing, but not the "ask a widow about her dead husband" stuff.
Recently I was putting together some documentation for a job I was applying for. And I stopped and thought, "I've actually done a lot of stuff! And it was good!" So the self-questioning never really goes away.
Yeah, always self-questioning. I feel fine about the writing I do for my work, which is pretty basic. When it comes to my own writing, I'm much more critical and insecure.
I’ve demonstrated imposter syndrome when describing myself as “not really a musician” even though I can learn parts on the bass and accompany Edie or play in a band. But because I don’t read musical notation or write songs, and don’t consider myself to have mastered the instrument, it’s sometimes hard to consider myself a musician. It’s as though if we’re not great at something, we can’t claim any credit for it at all. But there are all different degrees of skill or mastery, so there should be enough space to call yourself something even if you’re not the very BEST at it.
To me, it seems amazing that someone could learn parts and accompany others! You are definitely a musician.
Also, Elvis Costello’s band is called The Imposters. I think you’re on to something with this topic.
Good point, Steve! You know he’s one of my favorites.