Oh my gosh you are SO spot on. And it IS surprising that no one has researched or reported on this phenomenon in a widely accessible way. Our generation and younger simply cannot fathom the limitations those even just a few years older than we are faced; it doesn’t matter if we’ve heard of it. We didn’t live it. Honestly, I’ve seen the added pressures (if that’s the correct word) that the otherwise welcome higher acceptance of gender fluidity has placed on kids my kids’ ages: never knowing if another kid, regardless of gender presentation, is interested in being a friend or a love interest; it’s a different and difficult path to navigate sometimes. But yeah, we weren’t the revolution generation. And people probably compromised a great deal back then (and especially the women); we expect and demand a partnership these days I think. Good one! Thanks!
Thanks, Nancy! I hadn't even thought of the added complexities kids today are dealing with, though as you note that's a good development — as is our increased freedom. Now, we need to figure out how to navigate it all.
My theory is that women date to find the “right” guy. Men seem to screw around to have fun (yes, women do this too) but once they decide they want to settle down, whether it’s age 25, 35, or later, they will just pick the first girl who presents herself. No matter if they met the perfect one years before. If they weren’t ready they didn’t notice her. And because of this they often end up with the wrong one, like my husband did the first time around 🤣.
Rosanna and I are the same age, but I did all my dating before the invention of Match.com.
I think it could also be a matter of supply and demand. In your 20's and 30's, the cities are filled with young women, so the supply is generous. I - on the other hand - was in grad school in Champaign-Urbana and one day I saw an article in RedBook magazine, "The best and worst places in America to meet men!" After a brief perusal, I learned that Champaign-Urbana was the #3 place in America to meet men, with a 121:100 ratio (due to Chanute air force base and other factors) - so it was a horrible place from a man's perspective!
I struggled to find a relationship for most of my grad school years ... I took a UIUC ballroom dance class and everyone was aged 21 and practicing to dance at their wedding! I felt "over the hill" at age 24! I met 1 single woman (of course, she was an undergrad) but after 1 practice session at our house I asked her out and she had been taken by a classmate the day before! Sheesh!
So, these men in San Francisco probably noticed a surplus of women and therefore were in no hurry to find a stable relationship because it was so easy to find someone and they were still meeting date-able women in their 20's and early 30's. I spent my ages 18-31 in shortage (first at MIT where it's 4:1, then Silicon Valley where it was probably 3:1, and finally UIUC where the town is 1.2:1, and yes I did have a few steady girlfriends there, all of them were marriage candidates to me ...) Finally, at age 31 I moved to Vancouver and found a city with a surplus of women to date ... and that is where I met my wife ... I had wanted to get married and have a family at age 25, and it took me EIGHT YEARS just to MEET a suitable person!
In my experience, women don't care about men aged 18-25, they figure they can't support a family and don't have established careers and so they date older men in their late 20's, ignoring the younger men...
Also, once a woman is 35, the prospects for having a family is very low (the monthly chance of carrying a pregnancy to term is only 3%), so the first-born (if you are average) would happen at age 38.5, ergo, a single-child family is about all you can hope-for. Therefore, men who want a relationship AND a family might turn down a woman who is age 35, which is sad for the woman, but a fact of life ...
Oh my gosh you are SO spot on. And it IS surprising that no one has researched or reported on this phenomenon in a widely accessible way. Our generation and younger simply cannot fathom the limitations those even just a few years older than we are faced; it doesn’t matter if we’ve heard of it. We didn’t live it. Honestly, I’ve seen the added pressures (if that’s the correct word) that the otherwise welcome higher acceptance of gender fluidity has placed on kids my kids’ ages: never knowing if another kid, regardless of gender presentation, is interested in being a friend or a love interest; it’s a different and difficult path to navigate sometimes. But yeah, we weren’t the revolution generation. And people probably compromised a great deal back then (and especially the women); we expect and demand a partnership these days I think. Good one! Thanks!
Thanks, Nancy! I hadn't even thought of the added complexities kids today are dealing with, though as you note that's a good development — as is our increased freedom. Now, we need to figure out how to navigate it all.
Dating. It's not even a young person's game any longer.
Aren't you glad you're not doing it anymore? 😊 Now, you can be featured in Flower Child posts instead!
My theory is that women date to find the “right” guy. Men seem to screw around to have fun (yes, women do this too) but once they decide they want to settle down, whether it’s age 25, 35, or later, they will just pick the first girl who presents herself. No matter if they met the perfect one years before. If they weren’t ready they didn’t notice her. And because of this they often end up with the wrong one, like my husband did the first time around 🤣.
Good point, and I know men who did that, too! Not that women never do. So much in life is about timing.
Well done, 2x true for gay men.
Thanks, Ken! I can only imagine.
Rosanna and I are the same age, but I did all my dating before the invention of Match.com.
I think it could also be a matter of supply and demand. In your 20's and 30's, the cities are filled with young women, so the supply is generous. I - on the other hand - was in grad school in Champaign-Urbana and one day I saw an article in RedBook magazine, "The best and worst places in America to meet men!" After a brief perusal, I learned that Champaign-Urbana was the #3 place in America to meet men, with a 121:100 ratio (due to Chanute air force base and other factors) - so it was a horrible place from a man's perspective!
I struggled to find a relationship for most of my grad school years ... I took a UIUC ballroom dance class and everyone was aged 21 and practicing to dance at their wedding! I felt "over the hill" at age 24! I met 1 single woman (of course, she was an undergrad) but after 1 practice session at our house I asked her out and she had been taken by a classmate the day before! Sheesh!
So, these men in San Francisco probably noticed a surplus of women and therefore were in no hurry to find a stable relationship because it was so easy to find someone and they were still meeting date-able women in their 20's and early 30's. I spent my ages 18-31 in shortage (first at MIT where it's 4:1, then Silicon Valley where it was probably 3:1, and finally UIUC where the town is 1.2:1, and yes I did have a few steady girlfriends there, all of them were marriage candidates to me ...) Finally, at age 31 I moved to Vancouver and found a city with a surplus of women to date ... and that is where I met my wife ... I had wanted to get married and have a family at age 25, and it took me EIGHT YEARS just to MEET a suitable person!
In my experience, women don't care about men aged 18-25, they figure they can't support a family and don't have established careers and so they date older men in their late 20's, ignoring the younger men...
Also, once a woman is 35, the prospects for having a family is very low (the monthly chance of carrying a pregnancy to term is only 3%), so the first-born (if you are average) would happen at age 38.5, ergo, a single-child family is about all you can hope-for. Therefore, men who want a relationship AND a family might turn down a woman who is age 35, which is sad for the woman, but a fact of life ...
Yes, supply and demand is another factor! But as I noted, there were tons of single men in San Francisco. I'm glad you met someone!