Dear Hiring Manager

I believe my skills and experience would make me a valuable asset to your team.

A hermit crab essay is an essay that uses another form as its framework — such as a shopping list, a recipe, a customer complaint letter. That form serves as a shell for the essay, similar to the way hermit crabs adopt discarded shells as their own.

I’ve read a number of hermit crab essays and have written a few (see this, for example). But there’s one topic I’ve yet to see covered in a hermit crab essay. You can see where this is going ... remember Kramer’s coffee table book about coffee tables?

While the piece below is fictional, it draws from real facts: hermit crabs, social creatures who can live in colonies of 100 or more, have been observed to cooperate in exchanging shells as they outgrow their old ones; they cooperate across hermit crab species; and they have problems with mistaking plastic bottles for shells.

If you enjoy this post, I’d LOVE it if you’d click the ❤️ at the top or bottom. Thank you!!

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Photo by Anna Mcphee on Unsplash.

June 30, 2026

Dear Hiring Manager:

I’m a versatile self-starter and seasoned project manager with a special interest in leading cross-species teams and a passion for keeping hermit crabs safe from plastics. So I was excited to see your job opening for a Project Management Director position in your Plastic Bottles Division.

For over two decades — as you know, a significant portion of life for our kind — I’ve served as project manager in roles spanning diverse locations in the Florida Keys. From my humble beginnings as a young hermit crab project manager to my current role as Project Management Director in the Housing Division of the Florida Keys Hermit Crabs, my focus has always been on ensuring the well-being of my colony while providing sustainable models that other colonies can follow.

Of particular relevance to this position is my experience distinguishing plastic bottles from shells, to prevent fellow hermit crabs from getting stuck in bottles they erroneously adopt as their new homes as they grow out of their old shells. My efforts in Key West led to a 75% reduction in the deaths of hermit crabs from this fatal mistake. By implementing clear guidelines for identifying and avoiding plastic bottles, I ensured the healthy continuation of numerous hermit crab colonies across several species. I was honored to receive the Hermit Crab of the Year award for this achievement.

In my current role, I devised an improved system for exchanging shells. I had the hermit crabs in our colony who’d outgrown their shells line up from the largest to the smallest; we then passed each available shell down the line to determine who it fit best. My process, which showed that growth can be both sustainable and cooperative, was adopted by all the colonies that learned of it through the Oceanic Network.

As you can see, my extensive experience has provided me an outstanding foundation for collaborating with and managing cross-species teams of hermit crabs across colonies. I believe my skills and experience would make me a valuable asset to your team.

For more details, see my attached resume. You can contact me at (123) 867-5309 or hermitcrabbpm@gmail.com. I look forward to talking with you to explore the possibility of my playing a role with your organization.

Regards,
Hermit R. Crabb

cc: Resume

RESUME

Hermit R. Crabb (he/him)

hermitcrabbpm@gmail.com 🔹 (123) 867-5309

• Seasoned, results-driven project management professional adept at managing diverse team members.

• Proven ability to successfully lead cross-species colonies.

• Recognized for embracing change and seeking new ways to achieve results.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

Florida Keys Hermit Crabs, Housing Division: Project Management Director, 2020–present

• Led cross-functional teams to successfully deliver complex, high-quality shell exchange projects on time and within budget.

• Persuaded Moving Team to streamline rigorous process for exchanging discarded shells, simplifying the workflow and saving over 1,000 hermit-crab-hours per year.

• Developed and implemented new system for exchanging shells that increased efficiencies by 67%.

Florida Keys Hermit Crabs: Senior Project Manager, 2009–2020

• Conducted a study to identify key factors in distinguishing plastic bottles from discarded shells.

• Crafted guidelines for avoiding plastic bottles and implemented initiative based on those guidelines, resulting in a 75% reduction in hermit crab deaths across several colonies.

• Received Hermit Crab of the Year award for my achievement.

Florida Keys Hermit Crabs: Project Manager, 2000–2009

• Kept teams informed and motivated during major migration to new system for avoiding predators.

• Devised system for protecting fellow hermit crabs from predators during the vulnerable shell-exchange stage.

EDUCATION

• Deep Seas University Extension: Courses on predator evasion and integrating sustainability into shell exchanges

• Deep Seas University: BA in Oceanic Studies and Masters in Shell Management (MSM)

VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE

• Florida Keys Hermit Crabs: Mentor and Manager, Mentorship Program, 2017–present

• Hermit Crab Special Olympics: Coordinator, 2009–2018

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