I'd Like to File a Complaint
Expecting a prompt resolution
A Modest Bungalow
Oakland, CA, USA
disgruntledamericancustomer@gmail.com
January 28, 2025
Customer Complaint Division
That Big White House
United States of America
Re: Certain Recent Events
Dear Customer Complaint Division:
On September 5, 1964, I acquired your product and received a “Green Card” from your representatives (see Attachment 1 below), certifying I was authorized to use the product. After nearly two decades of extensive product testing and use, on December 2, 1983, I upgraded to the premium version of your product with a “Certificate of Naturalization.”
As shown in Attachment 2, with this upgrade I was led to believe I was becoming “a part of the greatest country in the world.” Your then-CEO promised me the “blessings of liberty and freedom” apparently enjoyed by Americans. According to additional documentation you provided (see: The Declaration of Independence & the Constitution of the United States), I was also guaranteed that the product would be based on “the rule of law.” Over the years, I was assured by numerous CEOs of your organization that your Constitution, which governs the use of your product, would be adhered to.
For a time, all was well — at least, for a beta product. My family and I enjoyed a level of prosperity that would have been challenging to obtain with our original product (“Argentina”). I did see disturbing evidence that your product behaved differently for different users: not everyone around me was able to enjoy the same prosperity that the product afforded me. I experienced or observed misogyny, racism, homophobia, income inequality, ignorance, and various other product defects. However, I maintained faith in your product as I witnessed incremental improvements and upgrades you made based on user feedback (see “Civil Rights Movement,” “Feminism,” “Environmentalism,” “Roe v Wade,” “Gay Marriage”). My faith that those improvements would continue was additionally bolstered by the reminder that “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”
However, in recent years, while some other products have built up their capabilities, and their user satisfaction ratings have exceeded yours in the “democracy market” (see Living in Switzerland ruined me for America and its lousy work culture, They aren't better parents because they're culturally superior, I lived in Sweden for 5 years. Here are 5 things Americans get wrong about work-life balance., and Happiest Countries in the World, as just a few examples), the advances your product had previously made have been eroded and the product has deteriorated. Your product has not performed well, in part because of this backward sliding and in part because the product was severely defective to begin with. These defects — including unfettered capitalism, disregard for education, overemphasis on the individual at the expense of community, and entrenched racism born of the product’s foundation in genocide and slavery — were not disclosed clearly. At the same time, the positive attributes and benefits of your product were grossly misrepresented (see, again, “the greatest country in the world”).
As of January 20, 2025, the situation has become even more serious, with your CEO openly and egregiously disregarding your core documentation (see “Analysis of Trump Day 1 Executive Orders: Unconstitutional, Illegal, and Cruel”), as well as behaving counter to your stated mission, vision, and values (see, again, The Declaration of Independence & the Constitution of the United States, specifically in regard to the rights of “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” and the “due process” referred to therein). Recent events have shown that your product was not as robust as I was led to believe.
To address this situation, I would like a refund or an exchange. I’m willing to work with you to arrive at a mutually beneficial resolution, and I can be flexible in how we resolve this matter to my satisfaction. Possible exchanges I would accept include relocation to a “democratic socialist” product or exchange of your CEO for Kamala Harris. Any proposed resolution must include the immediate ouster of both SCROTUS (“so-called ruler of the U.S.”) and the “Nerd Reich” (I understand that’s the technical term).
Please refer to my attached documentation regarding this transaction.
I look forward to your prompt reply and a speedy resolution to this matter. If this issue is not addressed within 30 days, I will pursue legal action.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled American Customer
CC: Lazlo Toth
Attachments:
I look forward to their response.
Well done!