I went through a long phase of denying I was aging. But that denial probably aged me even more. Each little age spot and ache and squint when reading must be the universe reminding me, as gently as it can, that there's no real "victory" against aging (unless one dies young, and that seems to be not much of a victory). I'm still not entirely sure I want to "agree" with the universe on this, but the evidence sure looks compelling. "Your honor, I object! If I could just remind the court that I still believe I'm younger-ish..." To which the judge replies, "you make me laugh. Overruled!"
But as Ben notes in this thread, compassion may be the antidote to unacknowledged aging.
I'm the person who was madly in love with my former wife for the the first 5 years of our marriage.
Now I am in my 70's, still looking for that "special someone" and mostly finding women who look like my Grandmother. Not fair-absolutely, and completely absurd because I look like a Grandfather
to them. Holy revelations!! The entire upside-down insanity of it is that I now either try to avoid a mirror and especially avoid looking at my profile(in which I really look over-the -hill). And, of course,
even with a little wisdom thrown-in, inside I feel like the same 21yr. old with the exception of a creaky knee or ankle. And I say to myself, "Ben!- This woman, who looks like my Grandmother, is a person just like you and has thoughts and feelings, interests and loving relationships(hopefully), desires and the need to love and be loved! How can I judge her on the basis of her looks-and I feel shame. And then I realize that I am afraid of being old and undesirable, unloveable and seen as a Grandfather. So-my rejection of perfectly, possibly wonderful others in female form is rejection of myself-and I remain alone as long as I remain in this prison of self-deception.
Oct 3, 2023·edited Oct 3, 2023Liked by Rosana Francescato
I wore mini-skirts well into my 50's. And I will wear them again as soon as I lose my "Covid-19" (my version of the Freshman-15). I remember seeing an interview one time with Ellen Burstyn, who I previously loved, saying that a woman over 40 should never wear a skirt above her knees. Changed my opinion of her. What a thing to say! As for grey hair, I completely agree about being too cheap and too lazy to dye it. But I love my grey hair, and I will continue to wear it in inappropriate hairstyles for my "age". As for all of those older actresses in skin-care commercials telling us that wrinkles are bad - F*%$ them! I embrace my wrinkles. I don't want to look 20. That would be creepy.
Great set of comments! I think I never paid much attention to how I looked, and if people didn't accept me because of that, I didn't want to deal with them.
Keep up this very interesting work. (Sorry I always want to respond, but sometimes I am a bit overwhelmed with my current daily tasks--which are way more complex than my usual academic activities :-) Thank you, Rosana!
My hair has grayed in a very flattering way (think Jamie Lee Curtis), so much so that people stop me on the street in Manhattan and ask me who does my color. "God," I reply. There are other things about aging that sometimes trouble me but the fact that I look "older" isn't one of them.
All these comments are fascinating. I always let people guess my age, never divulging the truth and 95% of people guessing, think I am at least 20 years or more younger. The ones who guess my age or higher, well, they are buried in the woods. Nothing personal. I believe aging good or badly has a lot to do with how you live your life; of course, living healthy is always gonna take you father, but how you deal with life in general. Your thoughts, your sense of humor, your circle of friends and family, they all have a part on how well, or not, one ages. Comedy always helps.
An important topic, since looks seem to be more obsessed-over than ever, what with Instagram photos, filters, botox, surgery, and other ways of constantly "improving" one's appearance. You have to be very well-grounded to just accept that there are different looks and different feelings we have throughout life, and they don't stay the same. I miss my darker beard, for example. But, it had its day, and now it's time to embrace the gray beard!
Rosanna, you’re gorgeous! I don’t know either what 60,65, 70 is supposed to look like but being healthy, active and attractive at every age is what we need to strive for.
I went through a long phase of denying I was aging. But that denial probably aged me even more. Each little age spot and ache and squint when reading must be the universe reminding me, as gently as it can, that there's no real "victory" against aging (unless one dies young, and that seems to be not much of a victory). I'm still not entirely sure I want to "agree" with the universe on this, but the evidence sure looks compelling. "Your honor, I object! If I could just remind the court that I still believe I'm younger-ish..." To which the judge replies, "you make me laugh. Overruled!"
But as Ben notes in this thread, compassion may be the antidote to unacknowledged aging.
I'm the person who was madly in love with my former wife for the the first 5 years of our marriage.
Now I am in my 70's, still looking for that "special someone" and mostly finding women who look like my Grandmother. Not fair-absolutely, and completely absurd because I look like a Grandfather
to them. Holy revelations!! The entire upside-down insanity of it is that I now either try to avoid a mirror and especially avoid looking at my profile(in which I really look over-the -hill). And, of course,
even with a little wisdom thrown-in, inside I feel like the same 21yr. old with the exception of a creaky knee or ankle. And I say to myself, "Ben!- This woman, who looks like my Grandmother, is a person just like you and has thoughts and feelings, interests and loving relationships(hopefully), desires and the need to love and be loved! How can I judge her on the basis of her looks-and I feel shame. And then I realize that I am afraid of being old and undesirable, unloveable and seen as a Grandfather. So-my rejection of perfectly, possibly wonderful others in female form is rejection of myself-and I remain alone as long as I remain in this prison of self-deception.
Ben
I wore mini-skirts well into my 50's. And I will wear them again as soon as I lose my "Covid-19" (my version of the Freshman-15). I remember seeing an interview one time with Ellen Burstyn, who I previously loved, saying that a woman over 40 should never wear a skirt above her knees. Changed my opinion of her. What a thing to say! As for grey hair, I completely agree about being too cheap and too lazy to dye it. But I love my grey hair, and I will continue to wear it in inappropriate hairstyles for my "age". As for all of those older actresses in skin-care commercials telling us that wrinkles are bad - F*%$ them! I embrace my wrinkles. I don't want to look 20. That would be creepy.
Great set of comments! I think I never paid much attention to how I looked, and if people didn't accept me because of that, I didn't want to deal with them.
Keep up this very interesting work. (Sorry I always want to respond, but sometimes I am a bit overwhelmed with my current daily tasks--which are way more complex than my usual academic activities :-) Thank you, Rosana!
My hair has grayed in a very flattering way (think Jamie Lee Curtis), so much so that people stop me on the street in Manhattan and ask me who does my color. "God," I reply. There are other things about aging that sometimes trouble me but the fact that I look "older" isn't one of them.
All these comments are fascinating. I always let people guess my age, never divulging the truth and 95% of people guessing, think I am at least 20 years or more younger. The ones who guess my age or higher, well, they are buried in the woods. Nothing personal. I believe aging good or badly has a lot to do with how you live your life; of course, living healthy is always gonna take you father, but how you deal with life in general. Your thoughts, your sense of humor, your circle of friends and family, they all have a part on how well, or not, one ages. Comedy always helps.
An important topic, since looks seem to be more obsessed-over than ever, what with Instagram photos, filters, botox, surgery, and other ways of constantly "improving" one's appearance. You have to be very well-grounded to just accept that there are different looks and different feelings we have throughout life, and they don't stay the same. I miss my darker beard, for example. But, it had its day, and now it's time to embrace the gray beard!
Rosanna, you’re gorgeous! I don’t know either what 60,65, 70 is supposed to look like but being healthy, active and attractive at every age is what we need to strive for.